you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
