Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
