Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
the raccoons are back...
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