my being single is dangerous.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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