all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize