wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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