i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
