I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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