Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
