hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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