She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
