man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
