yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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