Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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