i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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