the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
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