He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
