I look better un-naked...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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