her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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