cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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