I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
