i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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