hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
