You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
