fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
