I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
