I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I did not marry a roomba.
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