so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
