i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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