Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
