Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
