He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
