so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
