Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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