I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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