I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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