he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
