After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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