And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
