the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
