Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
