if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
