If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
