I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
