If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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