too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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