dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
