redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
