What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
