Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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