Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
