after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
