Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
