so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
