I smell stomach acid.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
