The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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