in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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