We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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