Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
