Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
