I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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