You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
