I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
