Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
