I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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