Jerry, you need to find god
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
