You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
