plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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