I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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