i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
