Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
