What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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