if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
