Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize